In the beginning.

     I should start from the beginning, however, I'm not sure where that really begins. So, I'll begin with the day I peed on that little plastic stick. I just knew days before, deep down inside that I was pregnant. Ironically enough it was the Wednesday before that, when Robert and I broke up. It was the following Sunday that I snuck into my moms bathroom and came out with my entire world flipped upside down. And so I cried.

  Yep, I did, I cried uncontrollably, as I simply just placed the stick in front of my mom and then...I cried some more. I wasn't so much sad or scared,just emotional, I couldn't hold those tears back. After my mom reassured me that everything would be fine and things would work out, I scampered off to my room to collect myself. What would I do? How do I tell Robert? When do I tell my friends? The one thing I did know, I was keeping it. Nobody could tell me otherwise. So, I just balled my eyes out some more. I think I probably cried
that entire week.

  So, okay, this isn't a story about how I got pregnant and then I proceeded to just cry about it. It's my story about the lows and highs of my pregnancy. The decision to keep my child regardless of what my ex thought.(And he did not want me to!)It's about staying positive throughout all the icky confrontations with him and thereon after. About trying to get help through websites for single mothers, just so I didn't feel alone. Or trying to get some assistance through the state and the difficulties faced just trying to get by. Staying in school and keeping with work. It's about all the things I searched for but couldn't find during my 9 month haul to motherhood.

  I know, I'm not the only one on the planet that has gone through the scenarios and sitituations that I went through but for some reason...it was impossible to find tips and advice or just reassurance, when I looked for it. Grant it, i have wonderful family and friends that have helped me through this but when it comes to other peoples opinions, people that have never exactly gone through what you were enduring, it's very difficult to go home at the end of the day and just be okay. As a single pregnant women, you are constantly searching for answers, guidance, no wrong or right. Your laptop becomes your shoulder to lean on, even cry on.